The thought of labor makes my heart beat fast. Faster. Faster. Makes me feel a little lightheaded. Makes me feel a little nauseous. Fear. Kicks in.
I haven’t written out my birth story yet. I know it though. It’s not that I’ve forgotten it. I’ve started writing it. There’s a draft in here somewhere from months ago. Started and then left to sit. And wait. For what? I’m not certain.
I do know this:
- I need to deal with the labor that I had (it was long, not at all what I had loosely imagined, AND I had a hemorrhage 8 hours post-partum if I remember correctly)
- Facing what feels like possible death (bleeding out) is super scary and it’s easy to replay it your head over and over again
- I’m over home birth. For me. Not for anyone else. I do still totally support home birth and things it’s the best choice for most births. Just not for me.
- Back labor is painful
- What a contraction feels like
- All labors are not the same
- I do want to do it again
- I’m terrified to do it again
- I’m jealous of the easy, breezy 6 hour labor people. Hell, I’m jealous of the 20 hour labor people!
- The prize at the end is totally worth it
Why is this even coming up? I have stumbled upon several blogs lately that discuss their labors, childbirth, etc. so it’s been on my mind a bit. That’s all I have for now.
Photo from weheartit.