Laborious thoughts

The thought of labor makes my heart beat fast. Faster. Faster. Makes me feel a little lightheaded. Makes me feel a little nauseous. Fear. Kicks in.

I haven’t written out my birth story yet. I know it though. It’s not that I’ve forgotten it. I’ve started writing it. There’s a draft in here somewhere from months ago. Started and then left to sit. And wait. For what? I’m not certain.

I do know this:

  • I need to deal with the labor that I had (it was long, not at all what I had loosely imagined, AND I had a hemorrhage 8 hours post-partum if I remember correctly)
  • Facing what feels like possible death (bleeding out) is super scary and it’s easy to replay it your head over and over again
  • I’m over home birth. For me. Not for anyone else. I do still totally support home birth and things it’s the best choice for most births. Just not for me.
  • Back labor is painful
  • What a contraction feels like
  • All labors are not the same
  • I do want to do it again
  • I’m terrified to do it again
  • I’m jealous of the easy, breezy 6 hour labor people. Hell, I’m jealous of the 20 hour labor people!
  • The prize at the end is totally worth it

Why is this even coming up? I have stumbled upon several blogs lately that discuss their labors, childbirth, etc. so it’s been on my mind a bit. That’s all I have for now.

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Photo from weheartit.

3 Comments on Laborious thoughts

  1. Ker
    October 19, 2010 at 6:57 am (9 years ago)

    I always knew you were a strong chick.. but after sharing with me your birth story… Strong doesn’t even come close.

  2. Kyra
    October 19, 2010 at 7:24 pm (9 years ago)

    It was great sharing it with you and mom. And thanks for thinking I’m strong. Unfortunately, it left me feeling weak. It was one of the first times in my life when I felt that my body was weak. It was such a horribly depressing feeling!

  3. Ker
    October 21, 2010 at 1:11 pm (9 years ago)

    Sorry babe.. I didn’t see your messsage till I just checked in to see if you dropped another post. I felt honored that you shared something that was so emotional.. with me. That moment in time will stick with me for the rest of my life. I am grateful. I always have thought you were strong…this was strong times infinity.

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