I started a writing course with the awesome Angie Wiseman this morning. Wild Writing for Women. I forgot about it until my alarm reminded me 10 minutes before 9am. That’s, unfortunately, how I do things. I rushed to grab some coffee (luckily there was some iced in the fridge!) and rubbed the mascara off from under my eyes with coconut oil before we started (this is a video course, right? I wondered). I put on a bra too. Just in case. Grabbed my computer and joined and hit my edges quickly. “We’ll be writing for 12-15 minutes” she said. “Then we’ll each go around and read what we wrote.” I wanted to close my computer in that moment but knew that I wouldn’t. I knew I wanted to and needed to be here. Needed to stay. This is one of the writings that came out, unedited. Thank you.
Where I Come From
I’m from the fire of the women, the long lineage of strong women.
I’m from the tales told in hushed voices.
I’m from the songs, sung over scotch and sherry.
I’m from the secrets too giant to whisper.
I’m from the sad moments that stay inside the heart, alone.
I’m from the cool breezes beneath a full moon.
I’m from the howls of wolves and the cries of babies.
I’m from regret and sadness.
I’m from big joy that bursts like flames.
I’m from mountain lakes untouched by men and rivers with clear ice cold water.
I’m from activists and survivors.
I’m from soft, warm, nurturing hands.
I’m from the edges and the shadows.
I’m from the womb of nothingness and everything.
I’m from the headlights in the driveway that usher the news.
I’m from heavy weights and light words.
I’m from honey that drips ever so slowly and sweetly.
I’m from the light.
I’m from her voice that always said yes.
I’m from his wandering soul.
I’m from lies and truths shrouded in love.
I’m from desire.
I’m from soft earth.
I’m from the water.
I’m from the freedom of the sky.
I’m from the thighs of the mothers who came before me with longing and power.
I’m from their voices whisper “now.”
I’m from the darkness.
I”m from the fields.
I’m from stardust.
I’m from legends and myths.
I’m from goddesses.
I’m from them.
I’m from small memories.
I’m from old, warm quilts wrapped around them.
I’m from ecstasy.
I’m from pain they didn’t, couldn’t mention.
I’m from fear of losing.
I’m from fear of being; really being.
I’m from fingers folding crisp sheets that smell of grass.
I’m from hot chocolate sauce and dollar bills.
I’m from so many places and spaces.
I’m from the time before they considered each other.
I’m from the earth.
I’m from the fire.
I want a day of quiet.
I want to drink wine in a small village in Tuscany with my love.
I want to expand.
I want to live for a year in a seaside town in New England.
I want to get my hands dirty with paint and glue on a daily basis. In a studio (or a room) of my own.
I want to learn to play guitar. Really learn.
I want to make enough art, art that’s evolved and smart and thoughtful, to have a show.
I want to make enough money to provide financial comfort to our family.
I want ease in breath.
I want a deeper connection with my husband. Emotionally, physically, intellectually, creatively.
I want more connection in my life. Even if it’s not always easy.
I want to be more organized without feeling too regimented.
I want to be recognized.
I want to be heard.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to read more. Important books, not just novels.
I want to use words like pragmatic and panaceaÂ in everyday conversations.
I want to wake up filled with energy.
I want to not fear childbirth.
I want to learn the stories of my family members.
I want to travel more.
I want to know that I matter.
I want to get the thoughts out of my head and into actions and accomplishments.
I want to be more of an achiever.
I want to be a more patient and more present mother.
I want to be better.
I want to be who I dream to be. The me in my head.
I want to swim in the moonlight.
I want to dance in Mexico.
I want to paint in a cottage.
I want to live fully, breathing it all in, connecting to all around me.
What do you want?
I am immensely thankful for this guy:
My husband by law, my partner in spirit, my best friend, my baby’s daddy and all that fun stuff. We have gone through quite a lot in the past eight years… Wait, is it eight or nine? I believe it’s eight but time starts doing this weird thing after a while. We started dating the first day we “hung out”. I still think he rocks. He inspires me and makes me laugh. He’s an amazing guy, a fabulous father, and sort of rocks at professoring. Oh yeah, he makes some cool ass art too. The kind that makes you question, makes you wonder, inspires stories and/or magic in your mind. When he has time. Oh, and just a little random tid bit: he has super long arms. Like, abnormally so but in a cool way. Wide wingspan. Long arm of the law. Alab….
Gigantic congratulations and ‘you rock!’ to my awesome pseudo-husband! He won best in show at the 25th International Juried Exhibition in Summit, NJ for his graphite drawing Supersymmetry Exists. . . just not here!!! Check it out on his website and feel free to let him know how awesome he is!
His piece looked fantastic and the opening rocked! There were tons of people there.
One of my favorites was a charcoal by Annie Murphy-Robinson (top center), one of my new favorite artists. Her work is incredibly moving!
Something that makes me smile is memories of the road trip that D and I took out west a few years ago. Hmmm, probably more like 5 years ago. Not really a “few”. We flew out to Salt Lake City, Utah and rented a car and cruised from there. We explored Utah a bit (not as much as we would have liked but we’re saving it for another trip), and headed to Yellowstone and then on up to Montana to visit family and to thoroughly and completely and passionately enjoy Glacier National Park. We didn’t have enough time there. Didn’t explore enough, but what we did explore I can confidently say we both fell in love with. I’ve been longing to go back. The mountains there are so majestic and there’s a more primitive feel there than there is in, for instance, Yellowstone (which we also did love!). This photo is actually not from Glacier or Yellowstone but it is from that trip. From the Tetons, which we didn’t get to explore nearly enough. It was more of a quick drive-by; an afterthought. But thoughts of that trip and this photo make me smile.
Sidenote:Â We need to go back because I borrowed my mom’s camera on this trip and took some amazing photos. NOT in high resolution! Ahhhhhh. Sadness.