Archive of ‘This moment’ category

What a strange, strange time – COVID-19

It’s been a while but I feel like I need to somehow track these days. We are at the beginning of dealing with a worldwide coronavirus pandemic, COVID-19, not the gentle common cold coronavirus.

This is day 12 of our self quarantining. Dave did leave a few times – grocery store, campus to grab a few things, and the liquor store. He also left to go to the hospital to say final goodbyes to his father. In the midst of this worldwide chaos he had to do that. Say goodbye to his parent. The hospital was on total lockdown and not allowing visitors, but luckily, after some phone calls during the day, they let the family come to the hospital and say goodbye. There won’t be a funeral. There wasn’t a wake or a meal or a gathering. There were only phone calls and texts and a video chat. And, there’s no room for the grief of losing someone. It was pushed so quickly aside to make sure we were fortified with supplies, food items, meds, etc. Or maybe the grief was just added to the grief that we around the world are feeling. And it’s coming in so many forms, anger, anxiety, depression, to name just a few. But it’s heavy, and it’s scary, and it’s so sad. And it doesn’t feel like there’s enough space in anyone’s head or heart to add extra grief, extra stress, extra heaviness. So we do our best to hold it in and then it comes out in little ways, or in big ways. Little snaps, body aches, exhaustion. But it’s there and we are going through it together, even though we’re apart.

Social distancing is what they’re calling it. But really it’s physical distancing. Not within our house, though I’m inclined to do a bit of that right now too. But everywhere else. We can’t leave to see friends and family. As an introvert, this aspect seemed easy at first, but normally there would be the knowledge that I *could* do that if I wanted to. But we can’t. We cross the street if we happen to walk by a neighbor, and say hello in a bit of a daze, and our voices sound strange because it’s weird to be talking to someone besides those in our homes.

And the news is terrifying, so I stay away. I see a few headlines that make my heart race and I can feel nausea creeping into my body, up all the way into my throat and I click away.

This isn’t eloquent or enlightening or important. But we’re on day 12 and I’m tired after waking up every day at 4am or 6am and staring out the window and instantly remembering what’s going on in the world. They say there’s an end to this, but is it three months or is it a year. Will we just be coming out of this next spring? That’s heavier than heavy. That’s unreal and scary and so, so sad.

Hopefully there won’t be a day 150 or a day 300 of this.

Stay home.


She said…

This beautiful introspection has been pulled out by the magical Hannah Marcotti.

Screen shot 2014-10-06 at 10.42.08 AM


She said P.S. I love you, you’re great. 

She said Let me lift some of it for you.

She said Seeing myself reflected in you was such a gift, because you’re cool as shit and it made me feel that cool too.

She said You are awesome and you are enough.

She said You are looking hot today.

She said I love your energy.

She said I can’t wait for you to go bananas on this world and just dazzles us with magic. 

She said I wish you lived down the street.

She said Apparently vulnerability is our superpower.

She said I’m so proud of you. You’re rocking and rolling with your biz!

She said I’ll never want to leave you, mommy.


Lucky life and red shoes

Look at my new red shoes! I am so loving them!


Yes, they are awesome! And yes, I’m posting on my blog about my new shoes. It sort of sounds ridiculous, but for the past few years, specifically the past year, we have been living very frugally. We had a baby, I gave up working as an art director, we moved and pay higher rent to live in an amazing house (we love our house), so we have been close to broke (American close-to-broke – I realize there’s a big difference between American broke and rest-of-the-world broke) off and on. So, buying a nice pair of shoes… well, it’s sort of a big deal. But this post isn’t just about shoes. It’s about freedom and choices and luckiness.

Dave, Indira, Darwin, and I are on vacation right now. (Molly is staying at a “spa” in Nutley, NJ with her extended family!). We left a day early. Because we felt like it. We’ll be back around the 16th. ONLY because Dave is running a Mud Run in Philly on the 17th. It’s summer and we have FREEDOM! We don’t have to squeeze things that we want to do into a three week or four week (or, gasp, two week) time period. You see, Dave is a professor. And I build websites and design things from the comfort of our home. This means that I get to stay home with our daughter, which is, at times, incredibly difficult and exhausting, but pretty much one of the most rewarding things I could ever imagine. AND I get to work from home. Yes, it’s difficult squeezing it in but I’m not dealing with anything resembling a 9-5 schedule. I work during naps (when they happen; Indira has never been a great sleeper) and at night and on weekends. And in the summer, Dave gets to work on his art and I get to work on whatever it is I’m working on every day. During the week we tend to swap hour by hour during the day and have evenings and weekends for us and for fun. It’s great. We’re lucky. We chose it and I’m thrilled with our choice.

Now, if only we could get our asses out of Pennsyltucky… but that’s for another post and you’re probably tired of hearing about that anyway.

Okay, back to vacation! And my new red shoes.