Wow, the first week of this year is a jam-packed one! On the agenda:
- First birthing class (I have no idea what to expect but I know that the class is a mix of all different ideas and methods so I’m looking forward to that!)
- Infant CPR class (I don’t even know regular CPR so this will be good!)
- Client lunch
- Client phone conference
- Baby kicking like crazy – it’s starting to feel a little like Alien – these sudden body parts (as yet unidentifiable) jutting out of my belly! Very weird.
- Page for M2C (a secret project)
Let’s get started!
Photo caption: We Heart It
I’ve seen on a several of my favorite blogs that people have been posting their word for 2010. I love this idea and have given it a lot of thought. I also think it’s a new tradition that I’ll bring into each new year. My problem is that I had some trouble coming up with one word, so I may have to cheat (my excuse is that this is going to be a huge year since we’re having a baby and completely changing our lives). Is that fair? I’m not sure.
My first word of the year is BALANCE. This is something that I’ve been lacking this past year, and I think next year it will be more important than ever to keep this word, this idea, in the forefront. I feel like I need to strive for balance in so many areas.
One way that balance comes to mind is balancing motherhood and my individuality and all of those things that make me me. One of my fears is going into such hardcore “mom mode” that that’s all there is to me. My awareness is there and I am striving to not let that happen. I don’t think this is coming from a selfish place, more of a “I need to keep me to be happy” and to make others happy place. I think I need to hold onto things that make me me to be a good mom, to be a good partner, friend, etc. I think some people can manage the being a mom thing in a full fledged way because they are HAPPY being a mom inside and out (I may be wrong about this?) but I know that for myself I need to be creative, need to do things that are just for me, and it will keep me at peace which is good for everyone in the long run.
Another thing, somewhat related, is balancing all of this newness of a baby and our changing family with the relationship that Dave and I have. I don’t think Dave is worried about this at all and I’m pretty hopeful that we can keep our pact to still be “us” but just plus one. I know that everything changes once this new, amazing and magical person enters the picture so it’s difficult to anticipate how things will fall into place, but I’m hopeful and aware of the importance of balancing us.
Lastly (for now), I need to balance work vs fun time/life time. This is where my second word comes into view: ENJOY. I want to enjoy all of these moments in life, and there will be plenty of them this year! I want to find something to enjoy, even if only for a moment, every day (for example, the few pieces of my cereal this morning that had this crazy amazing crunchy cinnamon flavor!). And I want to have a mild awareness of this enjoyment. I don’t want to pick it apart and analyze it but I want to recognize it. To do this, I need to balance work and the other side of life. I focused a lot on working in 2008 and 2009 and this is the year to manage my time better – to balance my time better. I can spend less time working if I’m more focused when I am working. This one is going to be a tough one. I am easily distracted and I love taking on freelance work (it’s a transitional thing). We’ll see how it goes!
Maybe that wasn’t exactly last, in all of this balance I want to also balance my friends and family and be better at keeping in touch. I need to realize that everyone doesn’t like to stay in touch via email and make more phone calls and write more letters. I want to make sure I always send a birthday card and just be a better friend/sister/daughter/aunt/niece/granddaughter in general. Whew. Done.
That’s all for now.
Happy New Year! What’s YOUR word for 2010?
I’m not sure if I would call it a resolution, but more of a theme for 2010. I’m going to keep it simple here (you can read the elaborate version here).
Prompt from The Mindfulist
I just came across this here and decided to give it a shot. I make take my time with it and keep coming back. We’ll see how it goes. And yes, I’m a blogging fiend today.
1. What Do You Do For A Living?
Art direction for a web development company and graphic design and web design/development on a freelance basis.
2. Who Do You Love?
I love many people (and animals too). Family, friends, pets.
3. Do You Have Enough Money?
Never. Though I guess I do when it comes down to it because I have a house to live in, heat (usually!), a car, food… but more would be very helpful.
4. Are You Healthy?
Yes, I am healthy. Can I be more healthy? Yes. But I think I’m on track. Need to get back on track with exercising but the working full-time (and doing freelance work) in the third trimester is wearing me out.
5. Do You Think You Are a Good Person?
Definitely. I think my heart is usually in the right place. I forgive easily. I’m loyal. I’m honest. I care. Sometimes I may be too blunt or too harsh in my speech, but it’s not coming from a place of malice.
6. How Old Are You?
Well, 34 (35 next month) but I feel like I’m in my 20s most days.
7. Whoâ€™s Your Best Friend?
Dave. And in at second, it’s a tough choice – can’t pick just one.
8. Whatâ€™s Your Childhood Dream?
It was to live in California. Still on my list.
9. How Often Do You Laugh?
Lately, I laugh every day (or pretty close). Pregnancy makes me laugh!
10. What Makes You Smile?
Waking up well-rested on Saturday mornings, Dave’s late night dances, our dogs, visiting my family in NJ, belly kicks, snow days (when we DO have power!), girls nights, dirty martinis, exhausting hikes, taking a perfect photo, finishing a project, gigantic family get-togethers (especially since I don’t get them much anymore), Christmas tree hunting, first days of spring, relaxing by candle-light, impromptu late nights with friends, camping, blasting music, late-night conversations, road trips, walks on the beach, naps on the beach, dolphins, dreaming, getting my hands dirty, seeing old friends and having it feel completely normal and comfortable, talks with dave about our future (talks, not “talks”), writing, rainbows, vacations, new jobs, romantic dinners, long loud dinners, date nights, NYC, art openings, bare feet in summer, long summer days and nights, the future.
11. Whoâ€™s Your Most Dangerous Enemy?
Probably myself, thought not lately. Besides me, mum is the word.
12. Where Do You Live?
I live in a temporary spot for now. It’s sort of like transitional housing. It’s not really a home, but a house, and that’s okay for now. The future knows more about home than I do at the moment.
13. Do You Think Youâ€™re Strong?
Yes, usually. Strength in my beliefs but flexible enough to let them change and grow.
14. What Was The Most Important Thing Youâ€™ve Done So Far?
Probably getting pregnant. And in at close second, letting go.
15. What Was The Most Stupid Thing Youâ€™ve Done So Far?
Most stupid? I’ve done many stupid things, but it’s tough to pick a most out of them. Probably not trusting myself.
16. Do You Love Yourself?
17. What Do You Fear The Most?
One of my biggest fears is being apathetic and/or being content with being content. Not striving for more, not caring to try or getting too caught up in life’s mundane things to find the time/energy/etc. I like to think that being aware that that happens to too many people will ensure it won’t happen to me.
18. What Is Your Favorite Word?
Enigmatic. Well, either that or fuck f&*k.
19. When Was The Last Time You Cried?
Yesterday. Hormones. No heat. Work suckage. Tiredness.
20. What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?
Well, there’s the easy one – things can continue going smoothly with pregnancy and we will have an amazingly perfect baby. Next up? Dave gets a job in the perfect spot (northern Cali, Oregon coast, right here, western Mass) making the perfect amount of money and I get lots of freelance work with excellent and fun clients.
21. What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?
Hmm. I’d like to pass on this one.
22. Picture Yourself In 5 Years From Now
Happy, creative, running my own (design) business from home, living in our perfect home in a progressive town/city with 2 or 3 kids.
23. Do You Regret Anything?
Hmmmm. Not going to art school but only twinges of regret. I think it all worked out perfectly.
24. Whatâ€™s The First Thing You Do In The Morning?
Cringe (I hate waking up early), then hop in the shower; well, more like drag myself into the shower than hop.
25. What Are You Thinking Just Before Going To Bed?
Lately, I’m so tired I’m not thinking about anything before going to bed except for how tired I am.
26. What Was The Highest Point Youâ€™ve Ever Been To?
Somewhere in Yellowstone or Glacier but I’m not sure which is higher. Glacier is my guess – Going to the Sun Road? I’ll have to look it up.
27. If Thereâ€™s One Thing In Your Life You Want To Change Right Now, What Is It?
I’d like more time and I’d like more financial security.
28. What Are You Proud Of?
Proud of getting some clients and doing freelance work and continuing to learn the ins and outs of it (now, if I could only master taxes).
29. Sum Up Your Life In One Sentence
An incomplete journey toward creativity, peace, and happiness.
30. Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most
31. What Is Your No 1 Question To God?
Why did you let money come into being?
32. Do You Have Secrets?
Of course. For various reasons.
33. What Makes You Laugh?
Well, this was also in my smile list, but Dave’s late night dances crack me up (and no, I can’t describe or share them).
Ok, I lied. There are 34 questions:
34. Are You Happy?
Yes, despite feeling drained lately and poor and tired, despite the feeling like a dark cloud tends to follow us at times, I am very, very, very happy.
This year has definitely been a year of change. Some of the highlights and lowlights, things that have happened, things I’ve done, things I’ve learned:
- Job transition (started in 2008 but kept transitioning), pay cut (yikes! not fun!).
- Said good-bye to Mr. Boodles, an amazing, smart, friendly dog. We buried him in our yard in Mars Hill as it snowed. We included food and love
- Said good-bye to our cat Drifter later in the year (after moving). We think she was just too cool for the new neighborhood and found some awesome farm to live on.
- Added a new dog to our family. Molly is a bad-ass (no, we didn’t give her that name – she came with it) for sure!
- Got pregnant!
- Moved out of our cozy little house in Mars Hill – a bittersweet experience – the first place Dave and I lived together. Got pregnant there. Gained and lost pets. Learned about each other more than ever before. Dave started and finished grad school there. Enjoyed the quiet, private spot with amazing energy that was already there when we arrived. We both did a lot of growing in that house.
- Found out about being pregnant the day after we finished moving into our new place
- Said hello to a giant house on a lake in Weaverville and said hello to new roommates (Marly and Erich)
- Drove to New Mexico in March; fell in love with Santa Fe; drove through Texas (yeah, it’s ginormous); saw White Sands and Gila Cliff Dwellings; luxuriated in Holiday Inn Xpress after doing the opposite in Super 8; enjoyed the freedom of the road and no plans; missed N’awlins due to tired, late, and rainy
- Learned how to bake an amazing sweet potato pie
- Fit in a hike or two early in pregnancy (before it really kicked me in the butt)
- Built some confidence in freelance
- Didn’t learn to manage my time
- Made a baby list
- Took time out for rest, relaxing, reading, vegging
- Came up with a name for the baby (if she’s a she)
- Struggled with boy’s names (still struggling with that one) Elijah and Ignatious (or is it with a ‘c’, Dave?) are head to head and I think it will be a draw
- Attended lots of weddings! (four, I believe ?)
- Started Atlas Shrugged (again)
- Hosted Thanksgiving and decided not to do that again while pregnant
- Stuck to my new years intention
- Started blogging more
- Grew (in more ways than one)
- Had a love hate relationship with my camera and didn’t take enough photos
- Really dug into WordPress
- Practice a lot of yoga in the first half of the year (not as much a fan of prenatal yoga)
- Learned (and am still learning) how to deal with temporary blockages of creativity – it’s not easy, but sometimes it’s just a matter of finding new outlets and thinking outside of the box
- Read lots of baby books then took a long break (time to pull some new ones out now)
- Learned that snow storms in the south aren’t as fun as they are in the north because they render everything powerless (figuratively and literally)
- Although some amazing things happened in 2009 and I wouldn’t trade it in for anything, a lot of setbacks also happened and I’m looking forward to 2010 – another year of tremendous change and growth – and good fortune! And babies! (well, one anyway!)
- Learned that moleskin notebooks are not “mole” “skin” notebooks (not that I thought they were made of moleskin but I thought that’s how they were pronounced. They are actually pronounced: mol-a-skeen’-a Crazy!
I wanted my life to close, and open like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song where it falls down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery; I wanted to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know, whoever I was, I was alive for a little while.
~ mary oliver